Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is Oprah even human
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
