The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
