even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
