You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
