I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
