first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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