Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
