Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
