u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
