so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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