He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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