he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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