I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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