A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
