were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's just like the Real World with babies
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
