She is in my trunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
