yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
