drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
