So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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