also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
