had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
