We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
