my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
