i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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