Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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