i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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