Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize