I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
