that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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