I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
