Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
