I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
