he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
