dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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