You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
