He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
