shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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