can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
