so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
