I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
