apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
