we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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