playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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