No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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