Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
