The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
