i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
