Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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