Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Small penises have feelings too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
