is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
