Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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