i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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