Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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