somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
