God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
