So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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