This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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