I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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