At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
