p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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