He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
