We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
