six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
