Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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