At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
