So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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