I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
