I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
