That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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