i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
