So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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