Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize