Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
