im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
