dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
