last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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