New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
