Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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