You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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