I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
