Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
