oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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