the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize