dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
