You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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