the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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