she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
