I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
