I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
