I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
