you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone signed my nipple.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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