i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
