he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
