exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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