I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
