we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
